Sunday, December 1, 2013

#ROW80 4TH QTR SUNDAY CHECK IN – IS THAT ALL THERE IS?


Appropriately enough, I would take the title from the late, great Peggy Lee. A haunting song to me even as a 13-year old, named “Is That All There Is?” wherein she sings about “breaking out the booze and having a ball,” with a minor undercurrent in the trumpets in a far away background, almost a melancholy waltz and something Klezmer and Eastern European folk music and Russian music in general, does so well. It is an existential song, verging on nihilism, which I understood even at age 13 and took to heart for far too many years, but I'm still here, maybe minus a few parts and a couple of senses, those of the touch, taste, smell, hear, and see variety, and some would say the common sort, but I'm a clever fox, for all that, and still present, when others are not.


I have indeed finished my #NaNoWriMo challenge and guess what? It's a hot mess! Wow, who'd a thunk it? As my late mother would have said. She would be bursting her buttons right now, just for the finish, clocking in at 50,971 words in thirty days. It is a mad scramble of aliens, ghosts, gamers, musicians, scientist, fly-boys and spies. Shit I know about. The rest of it is made up. 

Some names changed along the way. Carl became Bryan at one point and Masha turned into Freebird. People died, but I resisted Dave Berry's admonition to just slap on the helpful advice of “then they all got run over by a truck” as an ending. There were no trucks, but Nic Cage also made an appearance with an important message from the Mother Ship, in his inimitable Nic Cage style; he folded up into one of those theater pop-corn boxes, after delivering his message of warning and made the protagonist prop him up in his seat, so he could watch “Wicker Man”. His great grand-uncle, Maestro Anton, will be proud.

So, as you can see, lots of editing to be done just to make something resembling coherence out of the whole mashup.


There it is, in glorious 8-bit pixels. Why? Because we're serious geeks. We all love NyanCat. 

In the meantime, hauling all of the crap out of the closet for another Christmas extravaganza, Dollar Store style! I'll be sure and take pictures. For now, I can't just sit back and rest on my laurels. Until tomorrow. There is editing to be done, viola playing to catch up on, and my 58th birthday is in two weeks. My health is excellent. I've reached the point where I can walk two miles and not be affected by my COPD until the last 1/4 mile or so and even then it's so slight, I don't notice it. Well, I do, but it's a clinical notice, as in "check that; it's better than last week". I've gained 40 pounds since my low of 79 lbs in 2010; a right Rubenesque 112 pounds, I am. I just need to get my teeth fixed from all of the heart-and-lung medication

So, the risk of sounding persistent, my ex-step-grandaughter's birthday is the same day as mine. She will be eight years old. The baby, I was not invited to be present at the birth for – a friend (woman) had treated me to a Birthday dinner, earlier that evening, knowing that Bill was shunning me – I was in the house when his daughter called, and he just. . . left. Lest he think I were drunk, or impaired, I was not; I remember EVERYTHING, as does he. No one in Bill Nunnally's family, nor in John Holley's, nor in the Blanton family ever questioned my gradual disappearance at least to my knowledge, so God knows what lies he was feeding them. I had been a presence in their lives for 10 years, and had even driven down from Charlotte, NC a day early to watch his youngest daughter in a Swim Meet, when I was still honoring viola playing commitments in Tampa, Fl. I was happy to do so. I loved that girl as if she were my own. I was being systematically shut out by my ex-husband and sequestered, which is what spousal abusers do. Dr. Shay West reminded me of that, yesterday in relating her horror story. She went through her own holocaust and was relating her anger. In answering and thinking back, I got mad all over again. Figures. At least I'm okay with the rest of the world. 

My questions remain. What did he tell them? That I was drunk and running around? That I was sick and had some communicable disease? So many questions, but here is the most important one. As much as I've trashed that man in this blog, and he knows that I have a tendency to “remember” birthdays, as I “remembered” his, and my mother's, and I will "remember" mine and the baby I never got to know, why has not a single member of his family or associates, stepped forward to defend him? Hmmm? Think about it.

Sunday check in for #ROW80 and please God, let me remember the wonderful Alex J. Cavanaugh's #IWSG, this Wednesday, the first Wednesday of every month. 




There is a lot of nap-taking as you can see, by JC's feet. I'm the restless sleeper.

Here is a new picture of Mama, our kitty rescue, that JC adopted. She just comes in and makes herself at home. Last night, while gaming with my Clan, during a God Wars run, she laid on my mouse hand and things got spastic for a while. At least I didn't die and re-spawn having lost all of my expensive armor and weaponry in Fally square. A miracle. She's another hot mess, but a dear one.

13 comments:

Shan Jeniah Burton said...

I can feel your anger and hurt, and I'm sorry those things were done to you.

Also,as a mom who had what seemed to be a textbook birth go so horribly wrong that my second son died at 12 days old, never having left the NICU, that birth is tricky, and intimate, and there might be reasons involved in your not being invited that had to do not with your ex so much as the mother, and what she needed right then, which might not have been what she thought would happen, sooner.

I hope that eventually, you can move through the anger at that treatment, so that this person who treated you badly loses any lingering power over your life and joy.

Happy upcoming birthday, viola playing, and working through what seems like an intriguing hot mess!

alberta ross said...

hi haven't been around much lately so sorry - just been managing sponser duties and yours has never come up - now nano finished am wandering back to familiar haunts - I loved that song when I was younger -great to hear it again - might add it too songs to be sung at my demise:)

well done on missmatch nano - I like the names that change - mine do that - mind you makes a devil pf job getting them all correct in final editing:)

as usual you manage to make my day:)

Kathy said...

What a sweet kitty! And let me second the happy birthday wishes.

Unknown said...

Birthday greetings.

I hope you find writing as a therapeutic release and that things will get better for you soon.


Tonette

Steph Beth Nickel said...

I won't begin to say I know how you feel...because I don't, but I do wish you all the best with your writing endeavours - and in all other areas of your life. May the holiday season bring you many reasons to smile.

Parkinson's Humor by Yuma Bev said...

Have a Happy Birthday! I know it's early, but I don't get online much.

ViolaFury said...

@Shan, there was nothing of the kind. This was a systematic sequestering of me wholesale by him from the family. Being an only child and having no children of my own and both parents deceased, once my mother passed on, his abuse, both mental and psychological began. The baby was born within 45 minutes and he was back before midnight. I had been present at his other daughter's babies' births. As I was dealing with a frail heart at the time and had been hospitalized and while there he chose that particular time to get a girlfriend, and THEN in the time leading up to the baby's birth, he was cruel to me at every turn, I can assure you, he was making a deliberate choice. His daughter asked me later what had happened. He has to live with himself. As I said, he reads this blog as does the rest of his family and associates and I've painted him to be a complete bastard. This being the case, why has no one corrected me, or defended him? I actually had passed that part of the anger, however, last April I discovered that he was working at a place my mother had worked at, which I consider a HUGE insult. She would have taken it so too. He philandered and lied. I have no animosity towards anyone else, but people really should be held accountable. I stupidly agreed to less than I should have during the divorce proceedings because I was so damned sick. Other than the issue with him, or any other bully, I am perfectly fine with the rest of the world. I was brought up to believe, that when someone has been so callously cruel, not just to me, but anyone. payback is 7-fold. I am a Wallace and we have long memories. Were my mother alive, she would be urging me to seek legal counsel against my divorce attorney and re-open that whole mess. THAT's how bad it was. I had to walk out, with my viola and violin and two bags of clothes because of my heart. So, yeah, there is some righteous anger.

But I have the power to say yay, or nay to that. In the meantime, I have viola-playing to do and fixing the Alien Undead Railroad Underground. By the way, they get saved by the Lost Boys, or something of the equivalent. Stay Tuned. xoxo

ViolaFury said...

@Alberta,

I've been missing you! I am so glad you're wandering back into your regular haunts. It seems that just as I am getting really back into the swing of things, I have a roaring case of the flu. But, that's never stopped me.

I hope you enjoy whatever this Magnum Opus is going to be. Certainly not an Important Work, but more like a Carnival Ride. When one is slapping down drivel like "Nicolas Cage is now a popcorn box, throwing a tantrum," you can be sure that it is NOT a Pulitzer Winner, but it was fun. My Primodone is working wonders!

So glad to have you back among the crew, my lady! xoxo

ViolaFury said...

@kathy

Mama is the best little kitty. Someone just threw her out when she became pregnant and she was shy and skittish. Now she rules the house. She sleeps in front of the Tee Vee and climbs up in front of my monitors and lays all over my mouse pad when I am gaming. I love her to death! JC rescued her and her ways are so cunning! She is just the best. Thank you for the Birthday wishes, Kathy! and thank you for reading!

ViolaFury said...

@Shan

I forgot to thank you for your Birthday wishes too and worse still, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. That is much worse than any loss I suffered at the hands of my ex. Sometimes, I lose sight of the important things. My life was blighted by him and I have to remember that it is up to me to not let him further taint it. Thanks for the reminder and again, you must hurt every day over the loss of your son; I am sorry

ViolaFury said...

@tonette,

Thank you, I appreciate your honesty. Frankly, there are days where I don't think about it at all. It's more so around birthdays and holidays of course, and the knowing that he slandered my good name to his family, but that's his problem, since I have no contact with them, although they do read my blog and not a one of them has defended him. Oh, well.

The holiday season is always fun around here in my house; we've started new traditions, and now that I am being treated for my essential tremor, I am playing my viola again. With my writing and my good and beloved friends around me and the wonderful people I've met online, it's a much different and much better life than before. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment! Have a wonderful holiday season as well, tonette! Mary

ViolaFury said...

@Bev,

I am so happy to hear that your new DBS settings are working for you. I know you've had a hell of a year and it's about time you had a chance to enjoy life. I cannot tell you how much you've enriched my life and made me laugh. Damn, you are funny! JC is always asking about you, as well. Your perseverance is an inspiration and an example for everyone. I know that you provided me with the strength to keep on, when I had neurologists saying, "it's all in your head," and yada yada, and all the same stuff you've heard. I was so fortunate to find Dr. Burke and the Primodone has worked wonders. I've put on 12 pounds and I'm playing my viola. It sounded horrible, which I expected. What I didn't expect was how quickly the muscle memory would kick in and take over! So, I have so much to be grateful for, and so much to thank you for. You're on my bucket list, my dear. Now, I'm laughing. Go figure! I love you! Mary

Eden "Kymele" Mabee said...

Sometimes it's hard to let go of the hurts, even when things are changing and improving. Glad you're having so many other things to feel more upbeat about, Mary, even if this pain still lingers.

Congrats on the walking and the viola playing... New callouses, yay!

And Mama kitty sure looks happy to be with you. Our feral boy is starting to get more comfortable with people too. Sometimes kitties just need to find their right human, I guess.